Parents’ accumulated sense of sacrifice
I once saw an experience shared by a netizen on Weibo:
He comes from a single-parent family, and his mother’s lifelong wish is to hope that he can get ahead. From the third year of junior high school, his mother began to accompany him to the college entrance examination.
Mother gets up early and gets up late every day to buy food, cook, do housework and take care of his daily life.Between school, he hurried to do odd jobs, busy like a top.
One of the most common mother’s words is:
Son, you must be admitted to a good university, the future to find a good job, so as to deserve my so hard.With all her love, her mother weighed heavily on him, leaving him breathless.
In the first year of college entrance examination, he did not perform well and failed to enter the ideal school.
His mother asked him to study for another year, but he still failed the exam the next year.
For the sake of his mother, he wanted to take the exam again, but at this time, he often slept the whole night sleepless, serious anxiety makes him unable to take the exam.
I still remember that there is a sentence in “Chinese Giving” : “Excessive sacrifice is not love, but an unbearable burden.”
For example, the mother devoted all her resources to her child, but what she got was not the bright future of her ideal son, but caused a huge mental burden to her son, and even ruined his son in the end.
In Taiwan drama The Last Day of Jasmine, Lin’s mother is a master’s student in the United States. After marriage, she gives up the chance to be promoted to the professorship in order to take better care of her family.
But her heart is not willing to, so, she will be the career of sacrifice into a child’s expectations.
When Jasmine took the first place, I thought I would get my mother’s praise, but what I waited for was my mother’s cold water, my mother felt that if there was no her supervision, Jasmine was impossible to take the first place.
When her mother paid for a taxi for Molly, who was in a hurry to go to school, she did not forget to educate her. The taxi fare was saved by her mother’s frugals. If Molly did not study hard, she would be unfilial.
Every time Molly disobeyed her mother would yell hysterically at her about giving up her professorship, working hard for home, and suffering for the sake of her children.
For more than ten years, her mother scolded and dissatisfied Molly endlessly, making her feel that she should not have been born, and that she was not loved. She felt guilty and blamed herself for not meeting her mother’s requirements.
Accumulated pressure, finally crushed her, she resentment of her mother, to their disappointment, despair of life.
I believe that most parents love their children by nature, but not all parents know the way of love.
To sacrifice oneself to pay for their children, this “sense of sacrifice” is actually a kind of control over the children, it is like a huge net to the children imprisoned inside, unable to escape.
Yang Lan once said, “The mother puts all her hope and attention on the child, and the child and the mother will be overwhelmed.
When a child bears all the sacrifices and expectations of his mother, it is hard to imagine that he will be a relaxed and free child.”
Just like Molly, at the age of 16, she finally chose to commit suicide as a terrible way to get rid of herself.